Comrade Skywalker: Episode I: The Private Property Menace
by An Aroused Koala
Summary: Karl Marx's birthday is May 5th. Star Wars day is May 4th. Coincidence? I think not. This is the story of Anakin Skywalker - the legendary Comrade destined to seize the means of production and bring equality to the galaxy - as he discovers his Communist calling. (Please read this in the same voice as the Clone Wars opening narration)
1. The Communist Anakin Awakens

Chapter One - The Communist Anakin Awakens.

AN: HardcoreCommie is a comrade.

It was shortly after the death of Master Qui Gon Jinn that Obi Wan handed me a small, red book. It was quite an unassuming volume, dog eared and battered, with a simple but striking yellow cover design resembling a crossed hammer and sickle. The title was in bold black lettering. It read: _The Communist Manifesto_

"Read this over the holidays, Anakin." Obi Wan said. "And then we will talk."

And that, comrades… is how I learnt the truth.

* * *

"Anakin, you look different." Padme cried when I returned to Coruscant after the holidays.

I supposed I did, I had cut off my Padawan braid because it was an outward symbol of rank, and therefore a tool of classist oppression. I had grown my hair out and instead of my Jedi robes I was wearing a red Che Guevara T shirt. My lightsabre now formed the shape of a red hammer and sickle when activated.

"Why are you wearing a shirt with that terrorist on it?" Padme demanded.

"He is not a terrorist." I replied. "You have false consciousness and have been brainwashed by the elitist establishment. Che Guevara was actually a soldier who fought for the people's liberation."

"Most interesting, Anakin." Obi Wan commented, appearing beside Padme. Now that my eyes had been opened, I could better appreciate his immensely Communist facial hair and rugged, working-class good looks.

"Anakin," Padme looked at me with concern - and even a hint of fear - in her eyes. "Have you become a Communist?"

"Yes." I said proudly, I had nothing to hide.

Padme looked very afraid in a bourgeois manner. No doubt she was concerned about losing her private property, not to mention the influence she exerted as part of the veneer of fair government and equality that was the Galactic Senate. Everyone knew that the Senate was really just full of corporatist and elitist shills who sought to mask the fact that the galaxy was run by a greedy fascist agenda.

"But Palpatine says that Communism is evil and doesn't work." Padme cried. "Why would he say that if it wasn't true?"

I sighed, it seemed that Padme's false consciousness ran deep… perhaps even too deep for me to correct.


	2. The Jedi Council Shills

Chapter Two - The Jedi Council Shills

Obi Wan walked with through the Jedi temple. I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the decadent bourgeois lifestyle evident within its walls, as well as the obvious use of the Jedi religion as an opiate for the people. He lead me to the Jedi council chamber, where the Jedi Masters - those traitors, those vicious attack dogs of the capitalist regime - had gathered. For many centuries they had conspired with the biased media and the Senate, to promote decadent capitalist lies about freedom and opportunity while simultaneously crushing the hopes and dreams of the working class through economic oppression and state violence.

Obi wan placed a hand on my shoulder comradely as we walked inside. Mace Windu, Yoda, Plo Koon and Ki-Adi-Mundi looked at me coldly.

"Skywalker, why are you wearing that symbol of hate?" Mace Windu asked.

"It's not a FUCKING symbol of FUCKING hate!" I cried. "Che Guevara fought against the racist Western exploitation of South America, you FUCKING RACIST!"

"Why would you think that man was a hero?" Plo Koon asked.

"I don't know, why does your FUCKING head look like a FUCKING roast chicken?" I replied.

"That is rude." Another Jedi shill said as he elitistly stepped into the room.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" I screamed as I clapped eyes on his capitalist form.

"Language, Skywalker!" Mace Windu snapped. "Now apologise to Master Yarael Poof!"

"Stop censoring my FUCKING freedom of FUCKING speech!" I shrieked in a heroic fashion, as befitted my role as a FUCKING hero of the FUCKING PEOPLE.

I stuck my middle fingers up at the council and ran from the room in a very proletariat manner.


	3. Kit Fisto Joins the REVOLUTION

Chapter Three - Kit Fisto Joins the REVOLUTION

I went down to the mess hall, which was probably the most Communist part of the entire temple as it allowed for Jedi of different ranks to mingle without the FUCKING CLASSISM displayed in other areas of the building. It had changed a lot over the holidays. There were giant advertisements everywhere and corporate propaganda blared from loud speakers at the back of the room. As a looked around I was physically overwhelmed by the glossy images of smiling people thrilled to be slaves to the capitalist money-making machine. It was sickening.

I took a seat as far away from the lying capitalist imagery as possible and started to eat my food, feeling guilty for consuming a product that was likely obtained by FUCKING exploiting the WORKING FUCKING CLASS. When I looked up, I saw Kit Fisto approaching me.

"I heard about what happened with the Jedi council." He said by way of greeting, "Is it true you have become a Communist?"

"Yes." I said proudly. "I stand for the liberation of the FUCKING people and the DOWNFALL OF THOSE FUCKING BOURGEOIS SENATE FUCKS."

"Oh, that's nice." Kit Fisto replied mildly. "I'm not particularly familiar with this whole Communism thing. Maybe you can explain it to me."

"Under capitalism, the richest one percent are fucking shills who exploit ninety-nine percent of the people. Communism thinks that's wrong. We believe that there is enough resources to share around equally, so that nobody is FUCKING exploited. And also we call each other 'comrades' to denote our equality."

"Wow, that sounds really interesting. How do you become a Communist?" asked Kit Fisto.

"Oh that's simple," I replied. "All you have to do is become part of the Revolution that will free the oppressed proletariat the greedy exploitative hands of the slimy bourgeoisie."

Kit Fisto flashed an excited little grin at that. "I'd like to become a comrade." he said and he cut off one of his head-tendrils (the one that contained his capitalist urges) in a glorious gesture of his liberation from the disease of false consciousness.

"Well done, comrade!" I cried. "Together we can end the shill Jedi Council's facade of justice and bring true equality to the galaxy!"

The other Jedi were looking at us suspiciously, no doubt they had been conditioned by the mainstream media to believe Communism was evil and had been infected with false consciousness so they could fulfil their roles as corrupt enforcers of capitalist tyranny. But I didn't care because I knew that we were fighting for real equality and would bring real justice to the galaxy!

Suddenly, the mess hall fell quiet. Yoda had appeared, and to my outrage, he had now revealed his true colours. He was dressed like the Monopoly man, and was waltzing across the room in an extremely classist manner. "Skywalker, have a mission for you, I do." He called out in a voice of bourgeois oppression. "Go to Naboo, you must. Protect Padme Amidala, you shall."

"I won't be a vehicle for your FUCKING corporate agenda!" I cried out progressively. "And I won't protect that FUCKING capitalistic Senator on her FUCKING monarchist planet!"

"Then what will you do, hmmm? Young Skywalker?" Yoda asked, his face the very picture of smug elitism.

"He will go to Tatooine and free his mother from her slavery!" Obi Wan strode into the mess hall. "We shall liberate the planet in the name of the oppressed workers!"


	4. Anakin Resists Capitalist Seduction

Chapter 4 - Anakin Resists Capitalist Seduction

Obi Wan and I comradely strode into the hangar to find a ship to go to Tatooine and SPREAD THE REVOLUTION. The only ship that was available was the shiny and expensive capitalist ship of Padme Amidala. Obi Wan and I were hesitant to fly such a disgusting symbol of wealth but we realised that we could seize the ship as part of the redistribution of wealth and confiscate Padme's private property in the name of the Communist state.

We marched onto the ship socialistically and seized hold of the controls, ready to fly it to Tatooine to begin the liberation OF THE FUCKING PEOPLE. However, we realised that Padme was still on board and we couldn't take off because the ship was weighed down by Padme's excessively large wardrobe full of outfits. We were disgusted at her decadence and the fact that her clothes had been produced by exploiting oppressed sweatshop workers, not to mention her FUCKING CULTURAL APPROPRIATION of Mongolian and Native American traditional attire.

"We must eject these foul outfits that are symptomatic of the concentration of wealth in the one percent." said Obi Wan.

I was about to press the eject button when I was stopped by none other than the CAPITALIST SHILL SENATOR HERSELF.

"Anakin, no! YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!" she said in a voice dripping with greed. "YOU'RE GOING DOWN A PATH I CAN'T FOLLOW!" She was wearing that rainbow backless dress and gazing into my eyes in a seductive way, but I only paid attention to the fact the garment had been CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED and had been produced by the UNFAIR EXPLOITATION OF THIRD WORLD LABOR.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed at Padme, pressing the button to eject her wardrobe IN THE NAME OF THE REVOLUTION.

"Anakin, I love you don't do this!" She cried, trying to use her femininity to manipulate me.

"LIAR!" I cried, calling on the Force to assist me in pushing Padme out the ejection port along with her decadent regalia.

Suddenly, the force ghost of Qui Gon Jinn appeared, wearing a red Che Guevara shirt just like Obi Wan and I were. He had also grown long beard and looked a lot like Karl Marx. "Comrades," he said in the voice of equality, "You must go to Tatooine and free the oppressed workers from the fascist regime. This is the first step to beginning the galaxy wide Revolution."

Obi Wan and I looked at each other and knew that we must follow the word of Comrade Qui Gon.

Qui Gon now looked directly at me with his working class eyes and said "I have trained Comrade Obi Wan in the ways of Communism and it is now his role to train you."

I nodded solemnly at the wise words of my comrade. Obi Wan and I set the coordinates for Tatooine and made the jump to lightspeed in a communistic fashion. We arrived a Tatooine and landed Padme's bourgeois ship on the sand.

We got out and tried to find where my mum was. It was really hard because there was so much fucking sand and I am afraid of sand. "I don't like sand," I said to Obi Wan. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."


	5. The REVOLUTION goes to Tatooine

Chapter 5 - The REVOLUTION goes to Tatooine

Finally we arrived and marched into shop with the steps of Stalin to free my mum and the other slaves. But we were stopped by WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING. "You wanna buy some death sticks?" he asked whilst flapping his FUCKING BUG WINGS in a feudal oppressive manner.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THAT'S NOT YOUR LINE!" I yelled.

My comrade Obi Wan used the force in THE NAME OF THE FUCKING REVOLUTION and said: "You don't want to sell me death sticks."

"You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm a Toydarian. Mind tricks don't work on me. Only money," said WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING like the FUCKING CAPITALIST PIG-DOG he was.

"Shut the fuck up you stupid bug and give me my mum back," I shouted in the voice of Fidel Castro. WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING flapped around annoyingly to try to distract me from my mission to liberate his slaves, but I was not distracted. "I've come to liberate my mum and all the other slaves on Tatooine from the oppressive force of tyrants like you," I yelled proletarian at WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING.

"You can't just have her," he replied in a misogynist voice. "I own her. You'll have to give me something in return."

"NO, I WILL NOT ENDORSE CAPITALISM," I yelled gloriously. "I WILL SEIZE YOUR PRIVATE PROPERTY!" I strode into the FUCKING slave-quarters where I used to live with my mum. I looked around at all the sand and shuddered, but I could not see any sign of my mum, or the other slaves.

"WHERE IS MY MUM YOU FUCKING BUG THING?" I screamed at WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING.

"Ah yes," he said imperialistically, "I have sent your mother to work for Jabba the Hutt temporarily."

I looked at Obi Wan in shock. How could my mother work for a feudal money-hoarding gangster like Jabba who represented every element of the sickening nature of capitalism?

"Where does Jabba the Hutt live?" asked Obi Wan in the voice of Gorbachev. WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING gave me and my comrade Obi Wan a map to where Jabba the Hutt lived using his 3 fingers. It was over 100 kilometers away!

"How are we going to get there?" I asked my comrade.

"We could fly in Padme's ship," he replied, "but all this FUCKING sand has clogged the motor and it will take days to clean it out."

All of a sudden, Qui Gon's force ghost appeared. "WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING has a pod-racer outside. Take this pod-racer in the name of the FUCKING REVOLUTION and drive it to Jabba's house." he said Communistically. I knew that I could trust Comrade Qui Gon and that he would not mislead us on our mission of liberation.

Obi Wan and I strode outside of WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING'S shop to find the pod-racer. However, before we could reach it, somebody stood in our path. It was Padme. She was wearing her red dress from when she was Queen of Naboo and had her hair fashioned in a semicircle around her head that was clearly cultural appropriation, even though I paid no attention whatsoever to what she was wearing. She was lounging over the podracer in a seductive manner. "Anakin," she said in her bourgeois voice. "Anakin, come back to me."

"I'LL NEVER GO BACK TO YOU, YOU CAPITALIST SHILL!" I said proudly and I used the force on her to shove her body (which had become feeble due to too much indulgence) away from the pod-racer.

I sat in the pod-racer as the pilot and Obi Wan sat in behind me to navigate. We turned it on and began to fly to where Jabba the Hutt lived. I flew really fast because I wanted to get there as quick as possible so I didn't have to look at all the sand everywhere. We turned a corner and suddenly I heard the noise of some blasters that had been made by slave labour. I looked around and I saw that it was Nute Gunray and Sebulba firing at us in an attempt to thwart our liberation of the proletariat. I was disgusted to look at the greed visible on Nute Gunray's green face and Sebulba who was showering himself in money as he shot. I knew that we had to do something, and quick.

"I'll try spinning, that's a good trick," I said and I span the podracer in a nausea inducing fashion.

"Now this is pod-racing!" cried Obi Wan (even though that wasn't his FUCKING line). I looked deeply into his eyes, and for a moment I was almost distracted from my mission, but I quickly regained concentration and control of the spinning ship.


	6. Anakin gets arrested FOR THE PEOPLE

Chapter 6 - Anakin and Obi Wan get arrested FOR THE PEOPLE

We arrived at Jabba the Hutt's house and used the force to fight off Jabba's guards that had hog's heads, as well as our hammer and sickle lightsabers. "Why don't we shut off their communication?" asked Obi Wan.

"Excellent idea," I agreed.

We approached the main room, and listened through the keyhole. "A communications disruption can mean only one thing: invasion!" said Bib Fortuna chauvinistically.

Obi Wan and I stormed into the main room of Jabba's house. Inside, Jabba reclined corporately on a large bed whilst my mother and the other slaves sewed flags for the upcoming Boonta Eve podrace. I felt sickened with disgust that Jabba would force my mother to contribute to such a capitalist event.

"WE HAVE COME TO LIBERATE YOUR SLAVES FROM YOUR FUCKING ELITIST AGENDA OF SLAVE LABOUR!" I yelled in my working class voice at Jabba the Hutt.

"Arrest these men," croaked Jabba and we were seized by two of Jabba's hog head guards. They were strong and we couldn't break free of their grip. "Bring them to me," ordered Jabba. The guards led us up to Jabba's repulsive worm-like imperialistic body. "Take them to the cells," Jabba said sadistically.

"I'll come back for you!" I called out to my mother.


	7. A New Comrade!

Chapter 7 - A new Comrade!

Jabba's guards took us deep into the underground of Jabba's house. "Why have you got those shirts on?" one of them asked.

"WHY IS YOUR FACE A FUCKING HOG'S HEAD?" I yelled back revolutionarily. Obi Wan and I were pushed roughly into our cells. Quickly, we stood up and looked around for any comrades. We didn't have to look far; in the next cell to us was the socialist Jedi Quinlan Vos.

"Hey Quinlan, what are you doing in here?" asked my ruggedly handsome Comrade, Obi Wan.

"I was sent out here on a mission by the Jedi corporation that poses as a religion, even though it is actually a fascist tool of the capitalist senate." said Quinlan Vos progressively. "But I was racially discriminated against due to my dreadlocks, and now Jabba has imprisoned me in this cell, which is called Jabba's Prison, proudly brought to you by Dexter's Diner, eat all you can on Coruscant today!"

I looked at Obi Wan and our eyes met. I gazed deeply into them again, and for a moment I nearly forgot that we were in prison, and not in our own Communist universe. But then he revolutionarily said, "This is dreadful. Things are a lot worse that I thought."


	8. An Offer for Jabba the Greedy

Chapter 8 - An offer for Jabba the Greedy

I paced about the cell, considering my options on a very progressive manner. Obi Wan watched me quietly. I tried not to feel affected by his gaze, but I was. "Comrade! What shall we do?" I cried eventually in the voice of an oppressed worker frustrated with the political status quo.

"We cannot fight our way out." Comrade Obi Wan replied. "We must trick Jabba and use his capitalist greed against him, it is the only way."

"You mean we must negotiate with him?" I hissed, disgusted by the very idea of it.

"The negotiations will be short." Obi Wan shrugged.

"Jabba is very fond of podracing." Quinlan Vos noted. "Do either of you have any skills there, comrades?"

Obi Wan and I looked at each other, "We may have to participate in his filthy capitalist sport." Obi Wan warned me. "Perhaps we can offer to win back our freedom and the freedom of all the FUCKING OPPRESSED SLAVES by participating."

"Indeed, comrade." I reluctantly agreed. "Although I hate to bend to his corrupt bourgeois ways."

"We are merely exploiting his elitist ignorance." Obi Wan soothed me in the VOICE OF STALIN. "He does not understand the power of the working man."

"I shall race the pod." I decided revolutionarily. "And win freedom for ALL THE FUCKING DOWNTRODDEN FORGOTTEN ECONOMICALLY OPPRESSED WORKERS OF THE WORLD!"

Obi Wan smiled up at me, seemingly stunned by my glorious Communist rhetoric. "A fine plan, Comrade."

"Then we best put our plan into action." Quinlan Vos declared socialistically. "Call those shill guards and demand to speak with Jabba."

"Right you are." I rushed over to the window. "HEY YOU HOG-FACED FUCKTURDS! WE MUST SPEAK WITH JABBA! WE HAVE A VERY LUCRATIVE OFFER FOR HIM!"


	9. Jabba is a Corporate Shill

Chapter 9 - JABBA IS A CORPORATE SHILL

The guards immediately ran over to the cell, unable to resist the prospect of private wealth. The grunted at each other racistly, before deciding to let me and Obi Wan out of the cell to negotiate with Jabba. Of course, they didn't let Quinlan Vos out because they were FUCKING RACIST.

They escorted us back into Jabba's imperialistic living room. The foul slug-like shill-monster regarded us with an expression of corporate curiosity as we advanced towards him.

"Jabba, we are here to make a deal with you." I declared, trying to impersonate the repulsive voice of Ronald Reagan. "I will race in your Boonta Eve podrace and you can bet against me. If you win you will amass even greater private wealth, but if you lose you must grant me, my comrades and all of the other FUCKING SLAVES immediate freedom!"

"What did he say?" Jabba oppressively asked Bib Fortuna. "I can't speak English, I don't know what they're saying," he continued in English which is incredibly imperialistic and degrading to other cultures.

"My Lord Jabba, they are here to make a deal with you." Bib Fortuna translated misogynistically. "He will race in your Boonta Eve podrace and you can bet against him. If you win you will amass even greater private wealth, but if you lose you must grant him, his comrades and all of the other FUCKING SLAVES immediate freedom."

I watched Jabba's face (if you could call it a face) intently, hoping to see what he could be thinking. It was clear that he could not resist more private wealth, and as I looked into his eyes (but not in the way I look into Obi Wan's eyes) I could see small revolving money symbols.

"Yes, we agree!" Jabba (literally) ejaculated at the prospect of all that money. "I will allow you to race, and you will make me even richer! That will teach filthy Communists like you to try and liberate my slaves!"

"Good, good. Let the short-sighted, corporate greed flow through you." I said, even though that WASN'T MY FUCKING LINE.

Jabba merely smiled in his toad-like, fascist way, and ordered his FUCKING SLAVES to make the necessary preparations.


	10. Anakin Does the Podrace FOR THE PEOPLE

Chapter 10 - Anakin does the podrace FOR THE PEOPLE

The next day we went to Mos Espa grand arena. I balked in disgust at the sight of this horrific monument to FUCKING CAPITALISM AND FUCKING BIG GAMBLING standing so proudly in the middle of this SHITHOLE WHERE I GREW UP.

The honest working class people of Mos Espa had been so deluded and lead astray by the spectacles and races put on by the HUTTS AND THE FUCKING CORPORATE MEDIA that they were actually cheering those FUCKING SHILLS like FUCKING SEBULBA and all the other fucks.

I smiled at my mum as she walked onto to racetrack with my flag, which was the Communist flag with a yellow hammer and sickle on a red background. Next to me, I could hear Sebulba revving his imperialistic engine loudly and imperialistically in an attempt to intimidate me, but I was not intimidated by such petty bourgeois noises.

Jabba banged the big gong thing in a greedy, materialistic fashion and the race began. I pressed the ignition button to start the race but of course it didn't FUCKING WORK BECAUSE WATTO THE FUCKING BUG THING IS A DUMB FUCK AND CAN'T BUILD PODRACERS FOR SHIT.

Fodesinbeed Annodue began to commentate rude fabricated lies about me because he is a CAPITALIST WHORE but I didn't pay any attention to him. I pressed a few buttons on the podracer and finally it began to work, spewing out toxic chemicals into the environment from its exhaust pipe, but I didn't care because the environment was only sand and I FUCKING hate sand.

I sped off in the podracer after the leader Sebulba, who was busy ordering his Twi'lek slaves around and showering himself in money instead of FUCKING FOCUSING ON FLYING. I was catching up and I rounded a tricky corner when, all of a sudden, I heard the blasters made by slave labour again! Nute Gunray was racistly firing them at some Sand People, or as I like to call them Tusken Raiders, because I don't like to say the word sand. However, I was able to dodge the stray bullets because Nute Gunray was not very good at aiming.

We rounded into the final lap and again I heard some rude slanderous commentary about my flag. Sebulba was still ahead of me. I really wanted to win because I wanted to free all of the slaves as part of the FUCKING REVOLUTION and I also wanted to impress Obi Wan. I tried to make the podracer go faster, but it simply wouldn't; it was too poorly designed, no doubt due to typical decadent capitalist oversight. We crossed the finish line and Sebulba finished ahead of me. Jabba laughed greedily at the thought of all the money he would win and how it would add to his already excessive personal wealth.

Obi Wan and my mum helped me out of my pod. "Don't be disappointed," said my mum. "You still did really well."

"YEAH? WELL NOT FUCKING WELL ENOUGH!" I replied in the voice of Lenin.

Suddenly, Comrade Qui Gon's force ghost appeared. "Sebulba was cheating," he said proletariat, "he had illegal items on his podracer."

I knew that Comrade Qui Gon was a true Communist and would never deceive me, so what he said must be true. Comrade Obi Wan went over to check on Sebulba's pod because Sebulba was too busy passionately making out with Nute Gunray to notice. Sebulba's feet/hands were clenched in the front of Nute Gunray's robes and there was a lot of decadent bourgeois tongue action going on.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" exclaimed Comrade Obi Wan, his handsomely Communist face creased in anger. "Sebulba has A FUCKING VACUUM CLEANER AND A WASHING MACHINE IN HIS POD. THIS IS CERTAINLY ILLEGAL."

"Yes, that is so I can wash Padme's clothes," said Sebulba whilst simultaneously de-robing Nute Gunray and admiring his green body sensually. "Nute insisted that we cater to the Senator's needs."

Comrade Obi Wan and I looked at each other in horror. "I KNEW IT!" I proclaimed revolutionarily. "YOU ARE CONSPIRING WITH THE SENATOR SHILL HERSELF TO THWART OUR FUCKING REVOLUTION."

"THE POD-RACE WAS RIGGED!" Comrade Obi Wan cried. "JABBA'S VICTORY IS A SHAM!"

"IN THE NAME OF THE MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE, I DECLARE THE RESULTS OF THIS RACE FUCKING INVALID!" I cried in the voice of KARL FUCKING MARX HIMSELF. I seized my lightsaber communistically. "THIS MEANS REVOLUTION!"

Comrade Qui Gon's force ghost appeared again. "Wipe them out," he said FOR THE PEOPLE. "All of them."

(Even though that wasn't his FUCKING LINE)


	11. The REVOLUTION begins!

Chapter 11 - The REVOLUTION begins!

I turned on Sebulba first, striking him down with my hammer and sickle blade as he was attempting to remove Nute Gunray's trousers. He let out a bourgeois scream of pain as his body was cleaved in two, no doubt lamenting the fact that his private property would soon be seized. Nute Gunray looked at me in terror, then fled, abandoning Sebulba in order to save his own skin and assure the continued safety of his immense personal wealth.

Obi Wan and Quinlan Vos rushed to my side, and together we cut a bloody socialist path through the greedy, oppressive crowd, staining the ground a glorious red, the same colour as my communist flag as we LIBERATED THE FUCKING PEOPLE.

"There is Jabba!" Obi Wan cried progressively. "After him, we must kill him."

"No!" I seized his arm, spinning him around and looking deep into his eyes, "We can't. My daughter is destined to kill him in episode six."

Obi Wan seemed to understand. "Then we must gather the liberated slaves and organise an ARMY OF THE FUCKING PEOPLE!"

"Yes!" I cried in the voice of the revolution. "But we must also free the Tusken Raiders, because they are being racially oppressed by the XENOPHOBIC BOURGEOIS FUCKS that we have just defeated."

"Anakin, Obi Wan listen," said Quinlan Vos, looking a lot like Friedrich Engels. "You should go and spread the revolution to the monarchist Naboo, whilst I stay here and establish THE ARMY OF THE FUCKING PEOPLE."

"Good idea," agreed my Comrade and I. I was secretly happy to be able to spend time alone with Obi Wan whilst spreading the revolution. He was my dearest Comrade, I felt my Communist heart light up (not literally) due to his very presence by my side.

I said goodbye to my mum. "I'm so proud of you Anakin," she said. "You have brought hope to those who have none."

"Yeah whatever," I replied in the VOICE OF THE REVOLUTION. I turned to Obi Wan, "Are you ready to go to Naboo?"

"Yes," Obi Wan smiled, "And I was right about one thing, the negotiations were short."

I took his hand and together we turned and walked out of Mos Espa's shill arena, to find a ship to take us - and the revolution - to Naboo.


	12. Darth Maul Comes Racistly

Chapter 12 - Darth Maul comes racistly

Obi Wan and I took ages to clean out the sand from the hyperdrive of Padme's FUCKING ship, especially since I was frightened of the sand and I didn't like its coarse and rough irritating texture and the way that it got everywhere. But I didn't mind because I got to spend lots of time alone with my Comrade, and we were becoming quite close.

We were about to leave when suddenly a wild Darth Maul appeared.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU CHOPPED HIM IN HALF AND HE FELL DOWN A FUCKING VENT?" I said to my Comrade in a working class voice.

"Yes I did, I don't know how he is here." replied my beautiful Comrade.

I looked at Darth Maul again, noting his red face which was cultural appropriation of the Communist colour red and his yellow eyes which were also cultural appropriation. I realised that the top half of Darth Maul was racistly strapped to Savage Opress (who was also committing cultural appropriation with his yellow face) who was oppressively running towards us. Darth Maul was also holding a culturally appropriated lightsaber that he had stolen from a poor working class family, a racist act that contradicted the redistribution of wealth.

My Comrade Obi Wan jumped out of the ship to meet him with his hammer and sickle red lightsaber at the ready. I turned on Padme's FUCKING ship and tried to steer it to save my Comrade but the controls were not very good, evidently they had been designed by a FUCKING CAPITALIST.

"Start flying Comrade!" Obi Wan called in the voice of Lenin, "I will deal with this!"

I didn't like the idea of flying while my Comrade was left to fight those racist and oppressive Capitalist attack dogs, but I knew that - just like Mao or Stalin - Comrade Obi Wan had a revolutionary Soviet 5 year plan that would eventually allow him to triumph.

Instead of advancing to fight like a real working class man would, Darth Maul smiled racistly. "Obi Wan," he began, "I have been waiting for you."

Savage Opress merely grunted oppressively in agreement because he was too stupid and oppressive to form actual words.

"I can't say I feel the same." replied Obi Wan progressively.

Darth Maul cocked his head, smiling and resting a racist hand on the blank space where his racist hip should've been. "What? You didn't miss me?"

"No." Obi Wan replied in the cold voice of a tireless worker struggling against the system.

"You know, you were all that I could think about." Darth Maul let out a racist sigh. "You may have forgotten me, but I will never forget you…" Then the FUCKING RACIST winked at my comrade RACISTLY.

"HOLY FUCK!" I screamed in the voice of Gorbachev "THAT RACIST FUCK IS TRYING TO RACISTLY SEDUCE MY FUCKING COMRADE!"

Luckily Obi Wan was not tempted by (the remaining half of) Darth Maul's racist body. "All I ever think about is how to liberate the galaxy from the scourge of Capitalism!" He cried.

"What if I could change that, Obi Wan." Darth Maul extended his racist hand. "You cannot imagine the _depths_ that I would go with you, fueled by my singular _desire_ to-"

"WHAT THE FUCK? STOP MISQUOTING YOUR OWN FUCKING LINES!" Obi Wan yelled, rushing forwards with his lightsabre and fearlessly slashing at Darth Maul.

Savage Opress oppressively activated his culturally appropriated lightsabre and stepped in the way, countering Obi Wan's blows with oppressive force. My Comrade fought bravely in the name of the revolution, but against one and a half racist Capitalist oppressors he was out numbered. I flew low over the desert (or at least as low as I dared to, considering all the FUCKING SAND), and Obi Wan quickly caught on. He progressively leaped up onto the boarding ramp of the ship as it soared overhead, and we quickly left Darth Maul, Savage Opress and all the FUCKING SAND behind.

Savage Opress roared oppressively, while Darth Maul waved and blew racist kisses in Obi Wan's direction.

"Are you alright?" I cried sociallistically, rushing to Obi Wan's side as he stumbled up the ramp. He collapsed into my arms and I gently lowered him to the floor, stroking his handsome, bearded face with comradely tenderness.

"What was that?" Obi Wan asked, looking up at me, confused by my actions.

"I'm not sure." Comrade Qui Gon's force ghost appeared next to us. "But it was fucking gay whatever it was."

I wasn't sure if Comrade Qui Gon was referring to sexy racist Darth Maul or me stroking my Comrade's face, but either way I was annoyed. "FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, CAN EVERYONE AT LEAST TRY TO GET THEIR FUCKING LINES RIGHT?" I cried.

Comrade Qui Gon snickered in the background.

Obi Wan gave me an oddly intense look, then progressively sighed. "Onwards, Comrades… to liberate Naboo."


	13. The False Consciousness of Naboo

Chapter 13 - the false consciousness of monarchist Naboo

When we arrived on Naboo, I glared in disgust. The planet may not have been sandy but it was disgustingly decadent and monarchist. Even the trees were swaying aristocratically in the elitist breeze, and the sky was tinged a classist shade of purple that was usually associated with the clothes of Roman emperors. We flew communistically and landed in the capital city of Naboo which was imperialistically called Theed (it was named after Thebes, the capital of monarchist tyrannical Egypt). All the deluded monarchist citizens had gathered around to watch our arrival in a monarchy-worshipping fashion waving their monarchist flags, because they thought that Padme was returning in her excessively indulgent ship. The Naboo citizens had an unnatural fondness for that FUCKING CAPITALIST SHILL SENATOR.

We landed and disembarked from the bourgeois ship and scowled at the evident capitalism that greeted our communist eyes. The aristocratic Naboo citizens who had gathered to watch our arrival all gasped indulgently and stared at us in imperialistic horror. I looked into the eyes of my Comrade and realised that their false consciousness ran deep, probably too deep for us to correct.

Just as we were about to address the assembled Naboo, a figure stepped forward in an obnoxiously plutocratic fashion. He was wearing decadent, sweatshop produced clothing which was clearly the product of cultural appropriation.

"Meesa Jar Jar Binks." He declared in a voice that reeked of aristocratic entitlement. "Whose you?"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR EARS?" I said feministically. "ARE THOSE EVEN EARS? WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THE POINT OF THOSE DUMB FLAPS DANGLING FROM YOUR HEAD?"

"Meesa Gungan. Yousa should show some respect." He replied like the FUCKING MATERIALISTIC SHILL he was.

"We have no respect for those who exploit and oppress the working class." Obi Wan declared in the VOICE OF THE PEOPLE. He looked simply majestic standing on the boarding ramp of the ship with his Che Guevara shirt and his hammer-and-sickle lightsabre. His glorious beard was looking especially Marxist today, and although Communists treat everyone as equals, I was starting to feel a special bond between me and my Comrade.

"Yousa are Communists!" Jar Jar shrieked in horror. "Yousa not welcome here! Meesa tell Senator Padme!"

"Go on, tell the SHILL SENATOR we are here!" I cried revolutionarily. "Tell her we are here to liberate the FUCKING PROLETARIAT on this FUCKING PLANET!"


	14. The Droids Join the Revolution

Chapter 14 - The droids join the revolution

AN: I have recently had a few people asking when/if Ahsoka Tano will appear in this fic. I'm sorry to disappoint you Comrades, she will not be showing up in THIS fic. However, she will be features in its sequel, so keep an eye out for Comrade Skywalker: Episode II: Attack of the Comrades. Until then, may the means of production be with you!

Jar Jar Binks turned and walked around the corner, and when he came back he was with THE DISGUSTING CAPITALIST PADME HERSELF. She must have flown in while I was gazing lovingly at Obi Wan. Padme was wearing that dumb hedonistic outfit she wore to address the Senate with her giant hairdo that barely balanced on her FUCKING SHILL HEAD, not that I paid any attention to this.

"Anakin!" She cried, rushing forward. Her eyes gleamed with greed. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"You shouldn't be!" I replied, "I'm here to seize your private property once and for all! Didn't you realise that the last time we met?"

"You were just a little boy then." She replied in a voice of bourgeois entitlement. "You may have remembered it differently. Time changes your perspectives."

"I think it has given me much more FUCKING MATURE feelings to FUCKING ENHANCE my FUCKING PERCEPTION!" I snapped back progressively.

"But Anakin, we used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us… don't you remember?" She pleaded.

"NO, BECAUSE YOU ARE MIXING UP YOUR FUCKING LINES GODDAMNIT!" I screamed and called on the Force so I could push Padme out of my FUCKING WAY.

She called out to me as I stormed off with my Comrade, but I ignored her. I was too busy preparing to storm the palace in the FUCKING NAME OF THE FUCKING REVOLUTION. When we arrived at the citadel we saw that it was populated with battle droids and droidekas.

Comrade Qui Gon's force ghost appeared and spoke to us in the VOICE OF KARL MARX "These droids are the real proletariat. Get them to join the FUCKING REVOLUTION." Comrade Obi Wan and I knew that we should do as Comrade Qui Gon said so we marched up to the droids socialistically.

"We are here to fight for your equality because you are OPPRESSED BY THOSE FUCKING BOURGEOIS MONARCHISTS!" I said loudly, echoing the syllables of Lenin.

The droids looked at us. "Roger, Comrade." they said all together in their proletariat voices.

My heart swelled with socialist joy, soon the liberation of Naboo would be complete, and with any luck Quinlan Vos would be successful on Tatooine. Soon the galaxy would be free from false consciousness and classist oppression. This was a great victory for the people.

"Comrade! Look!" Obi Wan pointed out across the city walls. "There is an oppressive Capitalist army massing outside the city!"

I leapt up and looked out the giant excessive window that was made of melted sand, following the direction in which Obi Wan was pointing. My progressive eyes soon alighted on the tyrannical mass of Gungans marching across the plain. They were lead by none other than Nute Gunray, Padme, Jar Jar Binks and Darth Maul, still fastened to the back of Savage Opress like a racist strap-on dildo.


	15. THE BATTLE FOR THE FUCKING REVOLUTION

Chapter 15 - BATTLE FOR THE FUCKING REVOLUTION

"Quick, we must be ready for battle!" I said gloriously to our droid army.

"Roger, Comrade!" They replied with all the courage of workers who were not afraid to risk everything for LIBERATION.

We marched out onto the corporate grass fields to meet the army. Obi Wan and I were standing at the front of our army and Padme was standing at the front of hers, Darth Maul at her side, blinking racistly.

"I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee." She said greedily in a bizarre accent.

"WHAT THE FUCK PADME?" I yelled back progressively.

"Anyway, any elections that may have taken place were rigged by corporate sponsors." Retorted Obi Wan. "That makes your authority repressive and invalid and government must be returned to the FUCKING PEOPLE."

"If that's how you feel…" Padme paused and turned to me, smiling in what she must have thought was a seductive manner. "How about we negotiate, Ani? I'd love some _aggressive negotiations_..."

"Never!" I cried, drawing my lightsaber and rushing forward.

"Comrades, to battle!" Obi Wan cried in his revolutionary voice, urging the droids to attack, as he surged into the midst of the fray with his lightsabre.

Suddenly, Savage Opress stepped forward, oppressively blocking Obi Wan's path, while Darth Maul clung to his back like a racist sloth.

"Obi Wan Kenobi, surrender to me!" He cried racistly. "We are two… although we should be one." He winked.

Rage boiled up inside me, partly because this RACIST FILTH was trying to FUCKING RACISTLY SEDUCE MY COMRADE and partly because he seemed to be turning all his FUCKING LINES into FUCKING INNUENDO.

"You're wrong." Obi Wan replied. "I have no interest in being _one-and-a-half_ with a RACIST SHILL like you!"

Savage Opress grunted in oppressive outrage and swung his lightsaber at Obi Wan. Obi Wan dodged and fought artfully, ducking all of the oppressive and racist blows from the two Dathomirians and countering with his own. The two shills attempted to push him back into a corner, but Obi Wan kicked Savage Opress' leg out from under him and swung his glorious hammer and sickle lightsaber in a single devastating blow that both severed Savage Opress' oppressive arm from his oppressive body and sliced Darth Maul in half… again.

They screamed oppressively and racistly in bourgeois pain, stumbling backwards until they fell into one of the vents that dotted the field, tumbling down into the darkness. I chuckled sovietly at the irony, their unwillingness to instal proper OH and S for the farmers that toiled endlessly in these fields had been their undoing.


	16. Anakin Eats CGI Pears With His Comrade

Chapter 16 - Anakin eats CGI pears with his comrade

"That was quite something," Obi Wan declared, strolling up to me.

I blinked at him, astonished by his fighting skills. "Are you a Marxist angel?" I blurted out socialistically.

Obi Wan gave me an odd look. "I'm hungry, are you?"

"Yes, Comrade." I replied, blushing a bright Communist red. "I believe I may have some CGI pears on hand for that though."

"Oh yes, those are my favourite." said my Comrade, edging closer towards me.

Obi Wan and I left the battlefield temporarily to go and force-feed each other CGI pears communistically in a romantic villa.

"I think we should have some fish, don't you?" said Obi Wan lovingly.

"Oh yes, I think so too."

Obi Wan and I went down to the monarchist lake and fished for a while, enjoying each other's company as we discussed how successful our FUCKING REVOLUTION had been.

"This is a big fish, I think we should eat this one." said my Comrade Obi Wan, in the spirit of the equal distribution of wealth.

"Yes, that one looks nice." I agreed in the voice of Trotsky.

"There's always a bigger fish," said the force ghost of Qui Gon who had suddenly appeared and he winked at me, looking very much like Karl Marx himself. Apparently, he was also intent on turning all of his lines into innuendo.

"Yeah, whatever." I said to Qui Gon as I lovingly fed Obi Wan.

"Obi Wan," I began, "from the moment I met you all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you, I can't breathe."

"Anakin…" Obi Wan paused.

I forged ahead. "If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me."

"I can't." Obi Wan replied. "We can't. It's just not possible."

"Anything's possible. Comrade, please listen…"

"You listen," Obi Wan said sternly. "We live in the real world. Come back to it. You are my Comrade, and I am yours. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion they will take us to a place we both cannot go, regardless of how we may feel."

"Then you do feel something!" I cried with an ardour equal to that I felt for the Revolution. "There is an extraordinary connection between us. You can't deny that."

"Comrade, it doesn't make any difference. All communists are equal, we cannot start prioritising anyone above anyone else. You swore an oath remember. You'd be expelled from the Revolution. I will not let you give up your responsibilities, your destiny... for me."

"I was destined to be a Comrade. I don't think I could be anything else." I acknowledged socialistically. "But you are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do. I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't."

"I am not going to give into this. I'm not going to throw my Communist ideals away. I have more important things to do… like the FUCKING BATTLE THAT'S STILL GOING ON OUT THERE!"

"He has a point, Anakin." Qui Gon's force ghost stopped chortling in the background in order to address me. "Naboo must be liberated ONCE AND FOR ALL."


	17. Showdown with Boss Nass

Chapter 17 - Showdown with Boss Nass

Taking Comrade Qui Gon's Marxist advice, we returned to the battle. Some of the Gungans had died and also some of our droids had, sadly, lost their lives to the worthy cause of our FUCKING REVOLUTION.

I could loudly hear the sound of Nute Gunray's blaster that was made by slave labour and I was about to go and attack him when I was interrupted by FUCKING Padme, again!

"Ani, you've grown." she said, licking her lips in a bourgeois and seductive manner and she was wearing that white gown with the dumb fake flower petals on it.

"JUST FUCK OFF PADME, I'M BUSY!" I said, since I was very perturbed by her annoying capitalist voice. I held up my arm gloriously and pushed her aside using the force. Fortunately, I pushed her feeble excessive-indulgent body into that of Jar Jar Binks and Nute Gunray, who both fell down one of the vents and FUCKING DIED.

And the galaxy was a better place for it.

"Neek me chawa, wermo, mo killee ma ka nunkee" said Rune Haako lamenting that his FASCIST BUSINESS PARTNER WAS DEAD AT THE HANDS OF THE REVOLUTION.

"Anakin." Padme rushed forwards, her eyes glinting with plutocratic greed. "Anakin, you LOVE me!"

"LIAR!" I roared in the voice of Fidel Castro, I was so sick of her bourgeois lies. "I COULD NEVER LOVE YOU! I LOVE THE REVOLUTION! I LOVE MY COMRADE OBI WAN!"

The battle field went very silent, even the tyrannical, oligarchical Gungans were overwhelmed this display of pure, comradely love. Padme's aristocratic face went very white, as befitted her racist, imperialistic tendencies.

"You love me?" asked Obi Wan in a small voice.

"I truly deeply love you. Before we die I just wanted you to know," I said.

Padme glared at the both of us in absolute, autocratic fury. "And now, young Skywalker. You will die." She said (even though that wasn't her FUCKING LINE because it was from the WRONG FUCKING TRILOGY). She paused despotically. "BOSS NASS, I CHOOSE YOU!"

Suddenly a wild Boss Nass appeared. He had been training in the gym and now it was time for us to battle.

Obi Wan and I ignited our lightsabers. Boss Nass had a lot of prestige and we knew that he would be hard to beat. We charged at Boss Nass with our lightsabers but Boss Nass used his face shaking thing and we lost some of our health. I ran bravely and communistically up to Boss Nass and chopped his hand off with my lightsaber. It promptly fell down a vent and was replaced with a mechanical hand made from metal ores mined in an exploitative manner. Boss Nass shook his face again and we fell over, stunned but not wounded. I turned and looked into the eyes of my Comrade Obi Wan, who turned and looked into the eyes of our Communist mentor Qui Gon, and we knew that it was now or never.

"FOR THE FUCKING REVOLUTION AND SHIT!" I yelled gloriously as I charged. I looked a lot like the woman in the painting Liberty Leading the People (except my boobs weren't exposed), which is about the July Revolution, not the French revolution and I know about this because I did an assignment on it. Also this painting is CORPORATELY APPROPRIATED by Coldplay on their album cover which is FUCKING CULTURAL APPROPRIATION.

I used my hammer-and-sickle lightsaber in combination with Obi Wan's high ground. It was extremely effective. The wild Boss Nass fell back.


	18. Success of the REVOLUTION on Naboo

Chapter 18 - Success of the REVOLUTION on monarchist Naboo

"The Wild Boss Nass has fainted." Obi Wan cried in the voice of Engels. "Quick, lets push him down one of those unsafe, poorly constructed capitalist vents!"

We heaved the fat, gluttonous body of Boss Nass down into one of the vents and it only just fit, since he was so fat due to his capitalistic excessive lifestyle and misogyny.

"VIVA LA REVOLUTION!" Obi Wan, Qui Gon and I cried gloriously and it was a beautiful occasion. All of our droid comrades assembled victoriously at the palace of Theed and raised the Communist flag triumphantly.

"ROGER COMRADES." squeaked the droids in their slightly annoying yet socialistic voices.

I was so happy that we had succeeded in LIBERATING THE PEOPLE OF MONARCHIST NABOO and also that I had told my Comrade my true feelings for him. My Comrades and I gathered up the corpses of the droids that had died for our great cause and put them into a big mound which we set on fire, to acknowledge their noble proletarian sacrifice. We also found a copy of the Naboo Constitution and chucked it on the fire where all of its monarchist and oppressive rules burned gloriously. I was so proud of what we had achieved.

Suddenly, we received a hologram message from the Jedi Temple. It was Yoda dressed as the Monopoly Man. "We know you stole Senator Amidala's ship" he said imperialistically. "We order you to return to the Jedi Temple at once," he commanded in a capitalist fashion.

I looked at Obi Wan in horror. "Should we heed his exploitative orders?" I asked my sexy Comrade.

Obi Wan thought about it for a moment and I gazed into his face, appreciating its beauty. "Perhaps we could achieve greater REVOLUTIONARY success if we returned to the FUCKING Jedi Temple," he said wisely in the voice of Nikita Khrushchev. I knew that my Comrade was very wise, and that I should follow his Soviet 5 year plan.

"I agree, Comrade."

We got back into Padme's exorbitantly luxurious ship. I was happy that my Comrade and I were together, but I also didn't know where I stood with him. I had revealed that I loved him, truly and deeply, but did he love me back? I didn't know how to bring it up, I knew that I should be dedicating myself to Communism, and that it was my destiny to be a Comrade, and that I should treat all Comrades as equals, but I loved Obi Wan so truly and deeply.

"Comrade," I began, unsure of how to phrase my feelings. "Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love for one's comrades, is central to a Communist's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love."

"Anakin…" Obi Wan warned me, an unreadable look in his eyes. "We shouldn't."

"I'm sorry. When I'm around you, my mind is no longer my own." I said, "I can only think of you…" I continued, uncaring as to how badly I was messing up my FUCKING LINES. "I'm haunted by the kiss never gave me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. I hate you for it!" I yelled in the voice of the oppressed working class. "I hate you!"

"You are my Comrade, Anakin!" Obi Wan cried back, "I love you!"

"What?" We both paused, taking stock of what he had said. Obi Wan flushed a bright Communist red when the full weight of his words crashed down on him.

"It's the situation… the stress…" He tried to excuse himself and - even though those WEREN'T HIS FUCKING LINES - he looked so beautiful I forgave him right away.

"The view..." I smiled at my Comrade with all the joy of a liberated worker cleansed of false consciousness. "If you look too deeply… you will lose yourself." I stepped towards him.

"I think that's true." Obi Wan smiled weakly, moving close in return.

We embraced each other with the same passion and fervour with which we had both embraced the Communist Manifesto, finally, finally we kissed. It was as moving as a speech by Stalin and as glorious as the October Revolution.

"We should got to bed." I gasped progressively. "So I can seize your means of production."

"Yes." Obi Wan agreed. "And soon, I'm beginning to feel an uprising in my lower class."

I tangled my hands in his Che Guevara shirt and dragged him to the ship's sleeping quarters, where we made sweet, sweet Communist love.


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue:

6th months later

It was late afternoon when I communistically stepped off my ship after returning from the glorious LIBERATION OF THE OUTER RIM. I walked up and greeted Comrade Kit Fisto in a very socialist manner and together we discussed our plans to overthrow the last remnants of the Jedi Shill Council and the corrupt Senate or Coruscant.

We were busy talking about how much of a CAPITALIST WHORE Mace Windu was when I noticed a familiar figure lurking in the shadows. "Excuse me." I said to Comrade Kit Fisto.

He nodded progressively and, the moment he left, I ran to Obi Wan and embraced him tightly. It took me a moment to notice he was shaking.

"What's wrong." I asked in the voice of Gorbachev, "You're trembling."

"Something wonderful has happened." Obi Wan smiled up at me. "Ani, I'm pregnant."

"That's wonderful." I cried, overjoyed. "ME TOO!"

Obi Wan blinked in working class surprise. "You…?"

"Yes." I smiled. "What are we going to do?"

Obi Wan paused progressively. "Well, I went through the archives and contacted an old Comrade of mine, Sifo Dyas, There is apparently a cloning facility we could take the children to. It's on Kamino."

"Comrade," I kissed him. 'This is the happiest moment of my life."

TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE COMRADES


End file.
